Impostor Syndrome
Low self-worth is the mind gremlin...
Have you felt it? That tickle at the back of your mind… the intrusive whisper buzzing in your ear right at that crucial moment, whether it be right before a speech, a presentation, a lesson, or putting that creative masterpiece up to share? Does that little devil perched on your shoulder dig its claws in and reassure you that you just don’t know what you’re talking about or that you’re a failure? A nobody… a fraud?
I have. Every single day.
According to Worldometer, there are approximately 8.1 billion people on this planet, which means it’s very easy to feel small and insignificant. It’s also easy to feel unheard and doubtful of yourself. In all the noise, we can feel lost. However, how do you feel when the hot glow of the spotlight hits your position and exposes you to those 8.1 billion people…?
“Exposure leads to doubt… doubt leads to fear… fear leads to suffering impostor syndrome.” ~Yoda. Or something.
In my debut novel, Metaxysm, I didn’t realize it at the time, but the main character, Abby, is me. She suffered with such severe pangs of the impostor monster that in a bid to impress her senior coworkers, she accidentally, and very literally, created a monster.
While I never summoned Cthulhu (I don’t think anyway), in the early stages of my career, I feared my coworkers would think of me as a fraud. I checked all the boxes and crossed all my “T’s,” yet I never felt qualified to stand next to them.
How to we break ourselves from the habit of being our own worst enemy? The impostor monster is not real. It’s a figmented vehicle of self-destruction. I mean, we do it to ourselves; let’s be real.
Even worse, we swirl into the cycle of either putting things off until the last minute or over-preparing and not giving ourselves credit. Why, monster, why? It’s funny how that little gremlin works, too. On the one hand, we fear failure… on the other, we deny success. At the risk of sounding cliche, It’s a cycle. A vicious one.
For definitions and alternative positions on Impostor Syndrome, check out this article by WebMD and this one by UCLAhealth.org.
As the old adage goes, "we are our own worst critics.” This is where the gremlin creeps in and wraps its crusty fingers over your vulnerable throat. It enters like a guest and leaves like a thief—one that effectively stole your identity (without even taking their shoes off first, leaving dog poo on your carpet).
Now, all that fluffy analogy aside, I can't tell you how many times I've come across people commenting about how they don't feel like they're good enough or that they are just not qualified. It’s a hard feeling to endure and trust me, you aren't alone! As lonesome as the feeling is, it is important to understand that by not connecting with others about your art, whether it's in drawing, crafting, writing, or what have you, you will always wrap yourself up in feelings of inadequacy.
Impostor syndrome is rampant among all types of people, particularly in creatives or, more specifically, high achievers, so reaching out and sharing your feelings may be a good thing. While not everyone will understand your specific brand of impostor syndrome, they will understand the feeling, and you can use that tiny bit of vulnerability to meet your people. And if someone makes fun of you for it? Screw them. They are sociopaths with no real understanding of human emotion.
While your feelings are valid, you aren’t good at everything.
In my case, my impostor syndrome extends to everything I do. It's unfortunate, really, but what I do understand is that even though we should feel fluffy about our crafts, we should also recognize when we really aren't that good. And here's the caveat. I understand that I can draw and paint. BUT I'm only mediocre. Why? Because I don't practice the craft like I should, and there are much better artists out there. The difference is I can recognize that. It took a while, but eventually, I came to a better understanding of what I could effectively discuss or show.
Despite mediocrity, I will still share my work with the world because variety is the spice of life, and so is comedy. Interpret that as you will…
If everything looked the same or was written/ drawn/ crafted in the same style, what would be the point? If you're questioning whether you should share your work with the world, I say do it. The worst that could happen is that someone doesn't like it. You are still the authority on your work.
If someone offers you constructive feedback, let it hurt for a minute, but only a minute. Then, learn from it, and take a moment to understand that the person is doing you a favor out of their own kindness. They could have chosen to ignore you altogether, but they didn't. They offered you free advice. Not all advice is good, but definitely don't get offended or hurt by it.
~See you next time! XOXO
Fancy a unique T-shirt, quirky socks, or a swirly clock? Visit my Red Bubble Shop.
I was never into poetry, but I might start. Buy Me a Coffee and see what I do with it.
Get my books: METAXYSM | HILLBILLY VAMP | REAPER’S GAMBLE